I read a quote last week that stayed with me. Someone said, “if you look for holes in something you will find them and determine that the thing is useless. But remember, screen doors keep the flies out.”
The quote made me laugh, but it is also true.
I find as I get older, I see less and less value in complaining (not that I haven’t done my share!!). It can be kind of a drag to be around those who are determined in life to see holes in everything. It is so easy to be critical. It’s easier to point a finger at the one choir member who misses a note than celebrate the other 19 who are pitch-perfect. It’s easier to point out how the coffee at the end of dinner is lukewarm, instead of savouring the flavours of the wonderfully cooked meal. It’s easier to complain about the friend who never calls you, instead of sharing the merits of those who have consistently been present in your life.
Zig Ziglar, the motivational speaker, had little time for those who waste their energy complaining. He once said, “just stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems”
Another writer and philosopher Isaiah Hankel takes it one step further. Not only does complaining about a problem not solve it, but he believes that it brings more problems to you. He said, “never waste a second of your life complaining. Complaining doesn’t solve problems. It attracts them. The more you complain the more problems you will have. And the more you infect other people with your problems. Don’t be an infection. Be a cure.”
He’s right, and yet at times, it seems like we can’t help ourselves. We are all guilty of pointing out the holes and missing the value of the screen. I wonder why? According to Tina Gilberston, author of “Constructive Wallowing,” we complain for two reasons.
Firstly, we complain because we are not very good at expressing emotion in more constructive ways. Complaining is a way of releasing feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside. We all need a good inner purge now and again and complaining can do that for us.
Secondly, some people complain to create a stronger bond with others. Studies have shown that we can get closer to someone by sharing our common dislikes than we can by celebrating the positive attributes we share with someone. Or as my grandmother used to say, “misery loves company”.
And there is the argument to be made that complaining about something is the first step in changing it. Without complainers, change would never happen.
Perhaps I should not be too quick to complain about complainers!
Still, it’s got to be draining looking for holes all the time. Surely the greater joy in life comes from looking for and sharing what is positive and good. The Good Book gives us the antidote to complaining. It says, “encourage each other and build each other up.” That seems like a much better way to go through life!! I will always value those who see the good in life because they choose to see the good in life. They don’t notice the singer miss the note, because they are too busy enjoying the gift of the song. As always in life, we find what we are looking for.
The next time you find yourself complaining about the holes, maybe ask yourself instead if you have noticed any flies lately.
